How to Love Your Enemies

Beautiful words, but are they still relevant? Love God and your neighbor as yourself, and pray for those who persecute you. Jesus' words echo through the centuries, but do we still take them seriously, or are they simply a utopia, an illusory castle in the air? With sweat and tears, I argue in this blog that his words should not be confused with sweet-sounding intentions, but challenge us to a radical way of life. Love, or perish in bitterness and hatred. These are not frivolous words in a world of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” and “eat or be eaten.” Five principles that set us on the path of Jesus. Who dares?

1. Acknowledge that you have enemies

2. Consider others

3. Start with what you yourself would want 4. Test everything, hold fast what is good

5. Accept your own strangeness

Photo by cottonbro studio

Why write a blog about loving your enemies? We could start with the Middle East or the death of Charlie Kirk. Those would be equally legitimate reasons, but in this case it is an excavation of a Samaritan village in Kafr Qasim, an Arab-Israeli town. Proof that not all villages were wiped out during the Byzantine Empire, which gave little space to non-Christian groups. What I find remarkable is that this village is probably as old as the century in which Jesus lived on earth. Nathan Steinmeyer (2025), from Biblical Archaeology, says:

The early Christian writer Justin Martyr (100 - 165 CE) suggests that Menander, a Samaritan who founded one of the early Gnostic movements, was born in Kafr Hatta (Kafr Qasim). Menander was a student of Simon Magus (or Simon the Sorcerer), who is recorded in Acts 8: 9–24 as having clashed with the apostle Peter. The Samaritan Menander came from Kafr Qasim (100–165 CE). I cannot say that the Samaritan in Jesus' parable comes from that village, but I can say that he chose that group as the hero of his story. It remains shocking how daring that was within his Jewish community. The vicious enmity goes back a long way. I will tell you more about that in another blog.

But when I read about a Samaritan excavation, my thoughts quickly turn to his famous parable. For me, in all simplicity, it is the most beautiful story ever told, the hypocenter of the Christian faith. If someone asked me what faith is all about, I would point to this story. “To whom can you be a neighbor?” Jesus says. To whom can you be a good friend? What a twist in the story. Instead of hiding behind dubious end-time scenarios or one-sided us-versus-them schemes, Jesus, as the image of the invisible God, says: ‘Love!’ Are you human enough? Do you dare to look for the stranger within yourself instead of outside yourself? Do you dare to work on yourself instead of always looking for danger outside yourself?

Instead of hiding behind dubious end-time scenarios or one-sided us-versus-them schemes, Jesus, as the image of the invisible God, says: ‘Love!’

What is a good starting point? If God calls us through the life of Jesus to see something good in our worst enemy, then that means God does the same for us. He embraces the good, the bad, and the ugly in us. That is your starting point! Thank God, we can sleep peacefully again. But how do you do that? See goodness in others and love your enemies?

1. Acknowledge that you have enemies

I suspect that most people who live safely in a peaceful country will say they have no enemies. Enemy, that sounds so mean and hateful, very militant and old-fashioned. Maybe they used to have enemies, but we don't have them anymore. But think about it. Who makes you feel threatened? Which people make your heart beat faster with fear/worry/anxiety? Who makes you feel the urge to get defensive? To put up your walls or go on the offensive? The Samaritan in Jesus' story can symbolize anyone we don't hold in high regard, anyone we don't understand, find strange, or even despise.

What do you experience with these variations on the Good Samaritan?

• The good Israeli / the good Palestinian

• The God-fearing white heterosexual alpha male / the God-fearing transgender person

• The beautiful Hindu man or beautiful Muslim woman

• The sweet left-wing progressive / the nice right-wing fundamentalist

• The good government / the good mega-corporation

• The free socialist / the social capitalist

• The merciful ... (fill in your own name)

A good test is to examine what lies beneath those emotions. For example, are you shocked by someone who, in your opinion, does not behave in accordance with their gender? Then you can ask yourself why it bothers you so much that someone else behaves in a more feminine way than what you see among the men in your own circles, or vice versa. What do you think makes someone completely masculine or feminine? What do you consider normative for yourself? How do you think you should behave? Strictly speaking, men can have feminine traits and women can have masculine traits. Does that detract from your masculinity/femininity? Where does the discomfort come from?

+ tip: listen to a podcast with actor Marlon Brando, who, surprisingly, speaks inspiringly about the search for self-knowledge and its relevance in our time.

The Samaritan in Jesus' story can symbolize anyone we don't hold in high regard, anyone we don't understand, find strange or even despise.

2. Consider others

Loving your enemy also means considering what someone else is going through. The Samaritan stopped and considered the situation of the wounded man on the street. Of course, you cannot literally walk in someone else's shoes, but with the power of your imagination you can go a long way. Jesus assumed that every person can empathize with others to a certain extent. Otherwise, you cannot ask to pray for others. You pray, you meditate, you reflect on what the other person is going through. You discover that they too have the same insecurities as you, that no one does evil just for the sake of doing evil, that we all want to feel safe and want the best for our families and friends.

Do we have the right to speak if we have not first prayed for someone? Only when you can look someone in the eye and say what you really think about them and engage in conversation are you on the right track. Anything else is unfounded. Jesus' parable teaches us that. It reminds me of the children's story about the frog and the stranger. The strange rat who came to visit the village was not warmly welcomed. But the frog went to investigate for himself and they became friends. Be like the frog. Go and explore and discover for yourself; don't just let others talk you into things. 3. Start with what you would want for yourself

How can you love your enemy? A third principle is to start with what you yourself find pleasant. Love, not as a commandment alone, but because you want to be treated that way too. You want a chance too, so give someone else one. Not to score points with God. You're already good. God loves you. But because giving someone a chance is simply the right thing to do. Not as an ethical guideline, but because everything around you calls for it. Nature, trees, plants, animals, people, everything demands attention. Love without reason, simply because someone or something else asks you to without asking.

I don't understand everything about Emmanuel Levinas, but if I understand anything, this is what he means by ‘the face’. I don't need an external ethical obligation to love someone. The other person already asks me, without words, for respect, dignity and a chance. A chance to be heard and seen. That's how God made it. He doesn't need to tell me. Someone's presence or appearance (or face) already asks me for that. And if I don't, the blood cries out from the earth when I have treated someone else wrongly (Gen. 4). That is how involved God is with us. God loves because he loves, and he loves whom he loves. There is nothing you can do about that. Accept it. That is what you can do. And then try to do the same.

The other person already asks me, without words, for respect, dignity and a chance. A chance to be heard and seen. That's how God made it.

Illustration: Recently, I was confronted with a decision that, according to a certain view of the church, not everyone is welcome. Yes, you are welcome, but you must not remain that way. I understand that when it comes to criminal or destructive behavior, but when it comes to who we are, I find it more difficult. The deciding factor for me was whether I could tell my own child that he cannot be who he is in church. I cannot and I will not. In my view, that is blasphemous and unchristian. I mean that I do not find this in line with who I think God is and what is at the core of Jesus' life. I could have been that other person. And then I would not have been truly welcome either. A terrible thought. It feels arbitrary. So there you have the boundary of Love (for those who think it's just saccharine). There is a justice of its own in Love, which does not come from outside but from within. That is where the sword divides: those who involve others involve themselves. Those who do not include others exclude themselves (that is the measure by which we measure).

4. Test everything, hold fast what is good

Also, make a clear distinction between understanding and agreeing. You can do all kinds of things to understand someone, but that doesn't suddenly mean you agree with everything. You don't change just like that. A good teacher once told me that growing up in China, he ate fish by putting it whole in his mouth before removing the bones. That is very similar to the adage ‘test everything, hold fast what is good’ (Thess. 5: 21). Don't be afraid that when you try to understand someone, you will suddenly catch a virus, so that you now have what someone else has. Imagine if you caught an anti-capitalist virus! Ask questions, inquire, relocate, think, reflect, distinguish, take what is good and discard what you cannot accept. But it is worth everything, yes, absolutely everything, to learn to understand everyone and everything. I think that is our purpose in life. That is why we live.

But it is worth everything, yes, absolutely everything, to learn to understand everyone and everything. I think that is our purpose in life. That is why we live.

5. Accept your own strangeness

The final principle is ‘accept your own strangeness’. If you are unable to reconcile all aspects of yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly, it becomes very difficult to see goodness in others. As Julia Kristeva, a Bulgarian-born linguist and psychoanalyst, so aptly puts it: the stranger is within yourself. In other words, if you see others as oddballs, there is a good chance that you are being controlled by certain ideas that make you think that way. Even though we need that rational footing, it is wise to keep examining it. You never know anything completely, and you never have anything completely. The truth is like soft sand in your hands. From a Pentecostal / Evangelical perspective, I may now be an unbeliever, but life is living with uncertainty. I am certain that I never know anything 100% for sure. Fortunately, faith is a gift and cannot be manipulated by one's own hand.

So the question is not “why is that other person so strange?” but “why do you find that other person strange?”

So the question is not “why is that other person so strange?” but “why do you find that other person strange?” The Samaritan not only helps people from his own tribe, but also others, an enemy. Apparently, he has overcome those barriers. Just as ethnicity, origin, and status say something about you, they do not say everything about you. You are more than the sum of your parts. It is when we identify ourselves with only a few parts that it becomes ‘dangerous’. Then suddenly others have to say and do exactly the same thing in order to belong. Anyone who deviates from this is the stranger. But that stranger is you. Be a little kind to yourself and don't impose unnecessary burdens on yourself and others.

Closing words

In the spirit of the Good Samaritan, we can hear Jesus' call once again: to whom are you a good friend? We can always look at what someone does for us, but we can also take the first step ourselves. We can first acknowledge that we have enemies in order to reflect on their situation, start with what we ourselves want, and distinguish between understanding and agreeing. Finally, we can be a little kind to ourselves. But be careful! You might change for good.

I will end with the words of Amy-Jill Levine, a professor of New Testament and Jewish Studies: The parable offers … a vision of life rather than death. It evokes 2 Chronicles 28, which recounts how the prophet Oded convinced the Samaritans to aid their Judean captives. It insists that enemies can prove to be neighbors, that compassion has no boundaries, and that judging people on the basis of their religion or ethnicity will leave us dying in a ditch. *With this blog, I absolutely do not want to downplay the significant psychological effects of hostility that takes on militant forms and takes the lives of those around you. How can you love them? Who can break the vicious circle of violence and hatred?